


Why I Never Told You

by Libelli



Series: Stucky Angst [2]
Category: Captain America (Movies), Marvel Cinematic Universe, The Avengers (Marvel) - All Media Types
Genre: Angst, Avengers 4 Spoilers, Bisexual Bucky Barnes, Bisexual Steve Rogers, Homophobia, Internalized Homophobia, M/M, Post-Avengers: Infinity War Part 1 (Movie), Secret Relationship, Stucky - Freeform, Time Travel, angst with fluff, finding out someone is LGBT, stucky angst
Language: English
Status: Completed
Published: 2018-07-26
Updated: 2018-07-26
Packaged: 2019-06-16 18:14:52
Rating: Teen And Up Audiences
Warnings: No Archive Warnings Apply
Chapters: 1
Words: 2,576
Publisher: archiveofourown.org
Story URL: https://archiveofourown.org/works/15442938
Author URL: https://archiveofourown.org/users/Libelli/pseuds/Libelli
Summary: After the events of the Infinity War, the Avengers use the time stone to go back in time and try to defeat Thanos. However, Tony does not know how to use the time stone correctly and sends himself and his team accidentally into one of their pasts, and they discover the motive of his actions ever since an old friend came back.





	Why I Never Told You

**Author's Note:**

> My friend gave me the idea for this.

The time stone’s energy swirled as it dropped them off in another place lost in the past. The green light evaporated into the air and the room the Avengers were in was a small, shabbily furnished apartment. The windows were open and outside on the streets below the sounds of cars and shouting people drifted in. Somewhere, a group of kids were playing baseball. 

“What is this place?” Natasha asked. 

“I don’t know, but that time turner really packs a punch.” Bruce said. 

The room in front of Tony swam and his stomach was doing cartwheels. His team members were almost as green as the stone in his hand. “Okay, we can take a quick break, then we try again. Maybe we’ll land where we need to.”

Bruce smiled and sat down in a chair only for him to crash onto the ground  

“Are you that discombobulated that you missed the chair?” Tony joked checking his cell phone. No bars.  _ Weird _ . 

“No…it’s like I just phased through it.” Bruce said, wincing as he got up. “Like it’s not even there.” 

Tony furrowed his brow. Did Banner hit his head on the way down? He reached out and tried to touch the chair Bruce had phased through. Sure enough Tony’s hand passed through the back of it like his hand was fog. The other Avengers shifted and tried touching other objects. Tony grabbed another chair. Natasha shot her hand onto the table. Clint tried to grab a newspaper off the table. Thor poked a wall. Bruce and Steve quietly watched the same result happen each time: the Avengers went through the solid objects like they were projections.

Thor turned around and grabbed the arm of the closest person to him: Clint. Thor gaped as he shook Clint’s arm. 

“Hey, you can clearly see I’m solid, so can you not do that?”

“Sorry,” Thor apologized letting go of Clint, “how does this place work?”

“It’s probably the time stone.” Bruce said. He turned to Tony. “You did say you didn’t know how to use it.”

“That still doesn’t explain why we can’t touch things.” Thor said. 

“Maybe only our consciousness was sent back in time?” Natasha said running her ghostly fingers along a window sill. No one had any other ideas. 

“Well I’ve had enough of this weird place, let’s go-” Tony was cut off when the occupant of the apartment walked into the kitchen. 

The man was short and skeletal, and his wispy blonde hair hung limply in front of his eyes. The man’s clothes hung on his body like they were too big. 

“Oh my god,” breathed Natasha. 

The young man didn’t seem like he heard Natasha at all. He walked into the room like it was another ordinary day. The Avengers moved out of his way, but that did not stop him from brushing shoulders with Bruce, and of course Bruce phased right through the man. 

“Can he see us?” Tony asked. 

“I don’t think so.” Bruce replied inspecting his arm that touched the young man. 

“Then can he hear us?” Tony asked stepping up to the young man and waving his hand in front of the young man’s face. The young man sat in a chair at the table unblinking, he pulled the newspaper that was on the table towards him, and began to read. 

“He definitely does not know we are here.” Thor said. 

Tony backed away from the young man. “Who is he?”

“He’s me.”

Tony and the other Avengers whipped around to look at Steve; he was pale, his skin turning grey, his head was bowed.  _ This is what he looked like before my father got a hold of him _ ? Tony thought. Tony looked between the two Steves.  _ I can see why he said Steve Rogers was his greatest masterpiece. _

“That’s  _ you _ ?!” Thor exclaimed. 

Bruce stepped closer towards the old, little Steve. “I knew they changed you, but…”

“Yeah.” Steve said. “I know.”

Old Steve flipped the page and continued to read as the invisible Avengers around his table stared at him and each other wondering what on earth what to do. Tony wanted to look longer at the old Steve, but “new” Steve, their Steve, looked like he wanted to punch a wall. Studying up would have to wait for another time.

“Okay.” Steve said stepping out of his corner. “You’ve all seen enough, Tony if you don’t mind, can you get us out of here?”

“Of course. One sec.”

As the time stone began to glow in Tony’s palm the door of the apartment swung open. Old Steve immediately looked up and smiled. “Hey, Bucky!”  
It was like Tony jumped into a cold bath. Standing in the doorway was Bucky Barnes, except it did not look like the man he knew. For one, he was dressed normal, an average person that did not need to worry about sprinting away from an army or blending in with the shadows. Bucky’s hair was short and slicked back, like he actually paid attention to it before he left home in the morning. There was a smile on Bucky’s face, had Tony ever seen him smile before, not in the museum exhibits and textbook pictures? And his eyes...the same cold blue eyes that Tony’s mother must have looked at before dying, they were warm, happy, and clear. 

Tony took a step forward and was met with an immediate and strong: “Tony.” from Steve. A warning. But Tony raised his hand up to silence Steve. Tony looked at Bucky, studied his face, the face of the man that would have killed him. 

_ It’s not him _ . 

Tony stepped aside and let old Bucky walk into his apartment with a smile to his Steve, even though his hands twitched to try and grab Bucky and strangle him.

“How’s it going?” old Bucky asked as he shut the door behind him and threw his key onto the table. 

“Good, you?” old Steve replied.

Old Bucky shrugged and pulled a seat next to Steve and began to talk about his arduous day at work while Steve told him about his classes that day at art school, and some of the projects he and the other students were working on. None of the Avengers breathed. 

_ “Who the hell is this guy?” “Your guess is as good as mine. _ ” Thor and Bruce seemed to communicate with a single look. Clint’s hand hovered at his side, ready to pull out his bow. Natasha glanced back at the Steve that was on the mission with them. Tony followed her gaze, he was as pale as a sheet.

“Are you okay?” she asked him.

Steve shook his head. “I remember this.” he mumbled staring at the old version of himself and Bucky.

Tony’s stomach churned. Sitting happy at the table was a traitor and a murderer. Tony did not want them to be happy, but the longer he looked at them the more Tony knew these were just normal people. He hated it. 

“We need to go.” Steve said. 

“I agree.” Tony ground out. Before he could even lift the time stone, tiny Old Steve began to talk and Not-Crazy-Bucky answered. 

“Hey, I heard there was going to be fireworks tonight down at the pier.” Old Steve said. “Do you want to go?”

Bucky thought a moment tapping his finger on his chin. “Yeah! Why not? Let’s make it a date!” Bucky got up and filled a glass with water from the sink.

The gentleness in their tones made Tony stop. Were these really the same two people he had known? The great, stoic soldier? The man so desperate to win a fight, he played dirty and tried to pull out Tony’s arc reactor?

With Bucky’s back turned, Old Steve cast his gaze down, there was still a smile on his face, but it had grown smaller. “What girls are you going to invite?” he asked quietly.

“I said ‘let’s make it a date’?” Bucky said as he took a drink of his water, turning back to Old Steve. 

Steve perked up. “Like a date date?”

Bucky smiled. “Yeah, like a date date.” Bucky leaned against the counter as Old Steve got up and stood in front of him. Bucky leaned down so that his face was barely a breath away from Steve’s. “ _ Just you and me _ .”

Steve placed his hands on either side of Bucky’s face and kissed him. Bucky closed his eyes and kissed Steve back like it was the best thing in the world, he wrapped his own hands around Steve’s wrists to keep them in place. 

Three long, innocent kisses. 

Then Steve and Bucky pulled apart, but they were not separated for long. Bucky leaned forward and rested his forehead against Steve’s, both of their eyes still closed like they were in a daze and the only thing that could reassure them was the other’s touch. 

_ “I love you.” _

_ “I love you, too.” _

Their voices were low, like they were whispering secrets. They pulled away from each other and locked eyes for a moment- there was a grave sadness to them both. 

_ Leave it to Steve Rogers to be serious even when _ \- The sarcasm Tony had been thinking of stopped as the rest of the sentence came screeching to a halt at the end,  _ -he’s kissing somebody he loves. _ Tony blinked.  _ Barnes. He loved Barnes even back then.  _

Old Steve glanced at the still shut door that could have been opened by a landlord. Bucky looked at the window, and Tony saw the panic pass over Bucky’s face when he noticed the curtains had not been pulled closed. 

“I’m going to go put my shoes on.” Old Steve said pulling away from Bucky. 

Bucky held onto Old Steve’s hand as far as he could go, but his Steve had to pull away eventually. When he did Bucky’s hand stayed up, still reaching, then flopped down to his side, Bucky sighed and looked up at the ceiling and Tony could see the gears turning his head. Bucky reached up and ran his hands down his face like he was trying to wake himself up.

Tony thought of a million remarks he could have made. Anything rude enough to get under perfect Captain America’s skin. _ Did best friends mean something different in the forties? You know I did hear you were never much of a ladies man _ . But when Tony turned he saw Steve and every thought flew out of Tony’s head. 

Steve stood frozen where he had been when Bucky had walked in the door. His jaw was clenched so hard Tony was sure that if his teeth had not been supercharged they would have cracked. His hands were in white fists, and his whole body was tight like a rubber band ready to snap. It was Steve’s face that alarmed Tony: it was emotionless, but his eyes were hard and red, like he was going to punch a wall because that would distract him from being upset.

All that could come out of Tony’s mouth was: “Well, this explains a lot.”

“ _ Shut up _ .”

Tony tried again. “Look, all I’m saying-”

“ _ I told you to shut up! _ ” 

“Steve,” Natasha said, “why didn’t you tell us?”

“I mean we’re all pretty modern thinking people,” Tony added, “I’m not sure about old Norse over there.”

“Oh no, I am completely fine with it.” Thor said raising his hands.

“My point exactly,” Tony continued,  “I mean we’re- we  _ were- _ friends.”  _ Maybe this could have changed things.  _

Steve huffed a laugh, like Tony and the other Avengers were joking. “Why do you  _ think _ I’ve never told you?” he asked. His voice was sharp. 

“I don’t know, that’s why I’m asking.”

Steve Rogers rolled his eyes. “ _ Because I don’t tell people _ .  _ Look at the time we lived in _ .” he snapped. “Because if I did, one or both of us would have been arrested and put in jail. Or an asylum. Or  _ worse _ . It didn’t matter we both thought of women the same way we did as men. It didn’t matter that the only men we had ever had feelings for were each other. It didn’t matter we both had steady, respectable work. It didn’t matter that we had been together like that for eight years, without a thought of anyone else. It didn’t matter that we were all each other had. We were homosexual. There was no ‘okay’ for that.” Steve caught himself rambling, he bit his lip before he continued, this time slower and more thought out.

“Do you know what it’s like to walk down the street and know if people knew just one fact about you they would drag you into a back alley and kill you?! People you worked with, that you see everyday, would curse the existence of people like you to your face, and expect you to laugh along.  _ And you’d have to _ . Or else they would look at you like you were disgusting.” Steve stopped and looked past all the Avengers at Bucky, the old Bucky still standing there thinking. “You weren’t even allowed to say anything that hinted at being...it was obscene.” 

Steve stepped towards the Bucky standing against the counter. He smiled a little and began to reach out his hand, but stopped himself. “I didn’t want to love him. So many other things were wrong with me, why couldn’t I have this one thing? I was ashamed and I was scared. For the longest time.” Steve said. “Bucky never said it, but I knew he felt the same way.”

Old Steve reappeared with his shoes on and hair combed. Bucky cracked into a grin when he saw him. Old Steve stood in front of Bucky again, and due to the time stone’s affects, he stood inside of regular Steve. Steve wrinkled his nose as he looked down at his old self standing inside of him. Old Steve was much smaller, current Steve enveloped him. 

“Ready?” Bucky asked. 

“Yeah, are you?” Old Steve asked. 

Bucky nodded and reached out and took Old Steve’s hand in his own, through the hand of regular, new Steve. Bucky gave it a squeeze and then let it go. Together they walked out of the apartment smiling, like they were just friends and nothing more. Steve watched the ghost of himself go. It was just the Avengers again in the apartment.

“But that didn’t stop me. Why would it? I loved him.” Steve said. “I still do.”

Tony’s mind drifted to Pepper before he could stop himself. People had given him crap for his  _ business _ relations with her. He could not imagine how he would feel if people opposed them actually being together.  _ Great. I’m starting to feel sorry _ . 

“You really would do anything for him.” Tony said. 

Steve looked up and looked Tony in the eyes for maybe the first time the whole mission. “Yes.”  _ Now you understand _ .

Tony and Steve stared at each other, and a silent understanding passed through them.

“I’d hate to break this up, but Steve are you ready to go? We have someone to defeat.” Thor said.

Steve smiled even though he looked like he was in pain. “Yeah,” he said, “I’m ready.”

Tony held up the time stone. “Then let’s hope we land somewhere better this time.”

Steve took one last glance around the apartment that had been his home, and with a flash of green light the Avengers were gone.


End file.
